Pregnancy is crazy. One minute you’re a normal human being and then before you know it, food tastes alien, smells are 10 times more powerful, even bending down sounds exhausting and for all that is good in the world, you just keep forgetting absolutely vital things at the grocery store.
“*#!% ($*@, I forgot toilet paper again!” <- Literal verbiage used this week (18 weeks and 5 days into the pregnancy).
For first time moms, pregnancy can feel like waking up, suddenly a different person. In addition, the absence of caffeine, alcohol, some of your favorite foods plus all the nausea and lack of sleep pretty much guarantees some form of crazy.
With that said, at all stages of pregnancy, I heard the WORST “tips”, “humor” and comments. Some of the remarks listed below are SO bad, they’re hilarious. Or maybe that’s just the hormones talking.
You might be shocked OR you might nod your head right along because someone made the very same comment to you not ten minutes ago.
15 (Absolutely Stupid) Things You Should Never Say To A Pregnant Woman
1. Was it planned?
It? Do I need to reveal my sex life to you?
I mean, to honestly answer that question would reveal wayyy too much detail. No one needs to hear that. This question, in disguise, really asks “Were you using a method of birth control?” “You do know how babies happen, don’t you?” Which is seriously out of line.
2. I heard the postpartum period is like hell on earth and your vagina is never the same. *Insert labor horror story here*.
Cool. Thanks. Now that I know, I’ll just tell the stork to return the baby we ordered.
Let’s make it some sort of law to never tell a pregnant lady bad labor and postpartum stories. If you’ve already had a baby, kindly reserve the terrible labor experiences you might have (or have heard of) for mommies with babies and not first-time pregnant moms. I could not escape ALL the bad, terrifying and horrible labor and recovery stories I heard! This did nothing to calm my already abnormal labor and delivery fears.
Yes, postpartum recovery SUCKS but if you prepare properly, it will pass and you will have a quick recovery. Learn how to do that here: 10 Unbelievable Postpartum Recovery Tips For Healing After A Vaginal Birth.
3. Oh yeah, you’re definitely having a *boy/girl*.
People typically ask, “how are you feeling?” Which is usually nice but when it’s followed by a superbly confident gender prediction, I try my absolute best to smile and nod.
My basic answer of “pretty sick the first trimester,” has received the most conflicting, yet seemingly “certain” answers.
“Definitely a boy.” OR “Oh, you’re having a girl for sure. I know it.”
4. You’re having a natural birth, right? You know that’s what’s best for your baby.
No, I’m pumping myself with every single pain relieving death poison known by mankind so I can have an easy pregnancy since I’m the most selfish mother on the planet.
No matter what type of birth plan a mother chooses, it does not make her a bad mom, despite other’s opinions. The bottom line here is that judgment is only acceptable by a pregnant woman’s doctor. Period.
If you don’t have a birth plan, it is a good idea to create one. That way if anyone gives you crap, you know you don’t have to take it. Because if you’ve created a birth plan that means you have educated yourself on all the pros and cons and know where you draw the line.
The absolutely best way to understand ALL your options (judgment-free) and choose a birth plan that’s right for you is by taking a prenatal class. I highly recommend Hilary Erickson’s prenatal class for couples. She’s an RN with over 16 years experience in labor and delivery. Skip the 16-hour superrr long and exhausting hospital class and take Hilary’s class at your own pace, within your own schedule. It’s worth every penny!
5. Oh my, you’re VERY pregnant.
In what UNIVERSE is it okay to say this to a pregnant woman?! And what on earth is that supposed to mean besides “Wow, you’re gigantic.” Many other comments were dumb but THIS one….oh man, did I have to bite my tongue.
No smile and nod here. A swift punch to the face would be a great answer. Though, I figured jail would have a terrible delivery room.
6. Are you breastfeeding? (Eyebrows raised, ready to unleash judgment on your next few words…)
What I do with or without my breasts is none of your business.
This is what I wanted to say. Instead, I talked politely about the breastfeeding class I was taking and assured the questioner I would be following their bidding. What a people pleaser….
If you breastfeed, you are not a bad mom. If you decide to use formula, you are not a bad mom.
Don’t feel like you have to people please or ever defend your decisions. Millions of babies have been formula fed. Millions of babies have been breastfed. Don’t worry about it. Stick with what’s best for your baby, you and your family.
7. I thought maybe you were just getting a belly on you, not that you were pregnant.
Yes, this was really said to me. In my not so humble opinion, any comment resembling a way to say “fat” in the presence of a pregnant lady is just flat out stupid. Sometimes people make it extremely hard to be polite.
8. You must be REALLY close to your birth date!
Oh, I hadn’t noticed!
Seriously, are you sure? I haven’t slept in weeks. I can’t bend down to put my shoes on. I’ve forgotten what my toes look like. This baby feels jabbed into my bladder. I pee every five minutes. No position, awake, standing, sitting or sleeping is remotely comfortable. Taking five consecutive steps is exhausting and now you’re calling me…large. Why don’t you just add “Are you sure you aren’t having more than one?!” to that statement and let’s really hit a home run.
Oh, the sarcasm…it feels so satisfying sometimes, doesn’t it?
9. Well, you are eating for two!
Classic bad pregnancy comment. Every pregnant woman on the face of the earth has probably heard this comment ten times. It should be a rule of thumb never to mention a pregnant woman’s eating habits.
This statement really says, “you’re eating a lot” or rather, “make sure you eat what you need to for your baby!” Neither is polite or welcome.
10. You are planning on making your own baby food, aren’t you?
We were going down on the elevator at work. The postal service delivery woman followed her “question” with furrowed brows and a scowl. Actually, I had planned on making our baby food along with cloth diapering (you can see how to cloth diaper here) because it’s just way cheaper and not hard to do.
“Well yes, actually,” I replied.
She let out an exasperated breath, rolling her eyes up in the air for some sort of relief, “Good cuz all the chemicals in those store baby foods are just terrible!”
Obviously, someone she knew was buying store bought baby food against her will. Again, I defended our choice, affirming her objections. She told me to make sure I bought everything organic and continued to voice her opinion as she walked towards her truck. I was thankful my car was the other way.
Now, I don’t make baby food anymore. I buy Plum off of Amazon and other brands that are cost-effective and edible. When we have our next baby, I’ll probably get back to making baby food. We used the Baby Bullet, Infantino Squeeze station and reusable squeeze pouches (it’s ah-mazing!) but with baby #2 on the way right now, even getting out of bed has been challenging.
In the end, who cares though. No one should pass judgment on you for something as silly as baby food. Maybe if someone ever asks me this again, I’ll shake my head and tell them we’ve actually decided to forgo baby food entirely. Sugar pumped, pre-packaged greasy, fat packed food just sounds so much better for baby, right?
I’d love to see that reaction.
11. Sleep now, while you can!
Yeah, because sleeping is JUST SO EASY right now.
Usually, I reply with a groggy chuckle holding back a sarcastic witty comeback like, “Oh, right! Because saving the few hours of sleep I actually get right now will somehow help me when the newborn comes. That’s the most helpful advice I’ve heard. No one has ever said that to me. Never…”
This is the one you probably heard ten minutes ago by your coworker who had three kids twenty years ago.
Related: 10 Baby Sleep Secrets You Must Know, The ULTIMATE Overnight Sleep Guide (Make sure to pin this one for later. Then you can tell everyone you are sleeping just fine after baby arrives.)
12. You know, *insert ridiculously horrible incriminating thing here* is bad for your baby.
The list is a mile long: coffee, alcohol, raw fish, hot dogs, sandwiches, fast food, cat pee, paint, house cleaner, hair color, fingernail polish, cheese, soda, juice etc. etc. etc.
You’re NOT a horrible mother if you don’t live under a rock and eat air for every meal.
13. You want that decaf…right?
No. For the second time, I very clearly said caffeinated. Ask me again and I’ll punch you with my raging pregnancy hormones…
Pregnant women can have one cup of caffeinated coffee. Why is it that suddenly it seems the world around us believes they must correct, add input, judge and parent a pregnant lady?
14. Man, you just blew up all of a sudden, didn’t you?
I had a coworker actually utter these words to me in the elevator. Maybe I should just avoid elevators during pregnancy…or people.
How do you even respond to that question? Yes, I feel like I gained 40 pounds this week. THANKS for reminding me.
15. Well, *I* had a great pregnancy.
“My skin was so amazing, my hair was so full.” *sigh* “I really miss it.”
I bit my lip to stifle any sort of a reply. This gal had just asked me how my pregnancy was going. The toilet and I had recently become very acquainted, exhaustion had reached a new level, my face was breaking out in lava mounds and I had some sort of growth in my left eye the doctor told me was from stress. I had casually mentioned the sickness and fatigue.
Glad *your* pregnancy was puppy dogs and rainbows…
How about let’s just be considerate of pregnant women in general. If we ask a pregnant woman how she’s doing, prepare (at least a little) to empathize with her.
We all know pregnancy is rough (except apparently, for the rainbows-and-butterflies gal in #15). All sorts of extreme things happen to our bodies and we have no choice but to deal with it. Pregnant women have to be strong, rise to the occasion and move forward, usually WHILE working and dealing with everything else on top of their pregnancy. Instead of judgment and unkind words, we should hand out unending compliments to pregnant women. Being pregnant and doing anything else besides being pregnant means you’re a badass.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.